Frightened singles scavenge for food

As of yesterday morning, Madness markets have already flooded every street corner, confusing all singles and leaving EndTheMadness outmatched by a plethora of low-cost alternatives. Selling everything from tickets to hotel lobbies (looks more impressive than just taking a girl there without one) to Starbucks discounts to shidduch card with lines to say when conversation runs dry, these flea markets have changed the dating world for good. Yes, madness was on sale.

And it has taken over.

“Where would I be without these shidduch cards?” said one relieved dater but a week ago.

Unfortunately, the consequences of these flea markets have only begun to show their affect on the beleaguered singles out there. People would pull up the same shidduch card at the same time on a date, thereby exposing both parties' lack of desire to be with the other person and inability to keep conversation. The Starbucks discounts: forged. And the ever-popular tickets to hotel lobbies: an intricate scam to cheat people out of their hard-earned pennies. Hotels, noting that anybody with a hotel ticket was not staying at the hotel, started mercilously ejecting people with tickets onto the street, embarassing everybody involved and ruining potentially good shidduchim.

And throughout it all, EndTheMadness could only act as a spectator, watching the pandemonium break loose, its voice drowned by the barking, bellowing, gloating, growling, grumbling, grunting, guffawing, hissing, and hollering of the immoral madness speculators.